God: "Paula, I love you!"

I have been meaning to write this post for awhile now and I am just now getting the chance to settle down and type.

The past few weeks have been challenging to say the least, with moving and getting settled, the uncertainty of not having a job, missing my friends, and just everyday challenges of being a young woman in this crazy world. While I was in a small group this spring we read the book Captivating, which I have mentioned on this blog before. There is a chapter in this book that talks about how God wants to romance the hearts of women. "Every song you love, every memory you cherish, every moment that has moved you to holy tears has been given to you from the ONE who has been pursuing you from your first breath in order to win your heart" I like to call these moments in life "I love you's" from God. This week in the midst of my challenges and struggles of uncertainty there were five distinct moments that I was sure were "Paula, remember, I am here and I love you" moments from God.

1) Baby Ducks playing in the water at the park



2) Lightening Bugs on my nighttime walk



3) Lightening with no thunder



4) Dinner with the best friend in the whole world



5) Walmart runs/Chic-Fil-A Dates with my sister




"It will be as if it has been scripted for your heart. He knows what takes your breath away, knows what makes your heart beat faster."

May we never miss the I love yous that God is sending our way. Ask God when you need one, "God just show me that you love me, because I need it today."

Loving well,

Paula

Draw me Nearer

Recently I had a job interview with Feeding America and one of the questions I was asked was "What is hunger? And why does it exist in America?". Whoa!!! Talk about a tough question. I took a moment and then confidently answered "I think hunger is a desire for something that cannot be fulfilled and that we can hunger for more than just food and for more than physical needs but also emotional and psychological needs that go unmet." I figured this was a pretty stellar answer for having to come up with it in less than 2 minutes. However, recently I have been thinking the answer over some more and was listening to the song "Draw me Nearer" by Meredith Andrews and I found the lyrics to be very thought provoking. One part of the song says this:

"For your nearness Lord I hunger
For your nearness Lord I wait
Hold me ever closer Father
Such a love I can?t escape"

"For YOUR nearness Lord I HUNGER" WOW!!! I think I wanna change my answer. I think hunger is the desire for something that feels so far away but is desperately needed, needed in a way that its the only thing one can think about. I pray that I have a HUNGER for the nearness of God in my life. I challenge you reading this if anyone does :p to pray for that kind of HUNGER for the nearness of God in your life. What a difference it will make!!!

Loving well,

Paula

Psalm 13

I was recently reading someone's blog post on Psalm 13 which sparked me to read it myself and this is what I found:

"How long, LORD? Will you forget me forever?
How long will you hide your face from me?
How long must I wrestle with my thoughts
and day after day have sorrow in my heart?
How long will my enemy triumph over me?

Look on me and answer, LORD my God.
Give light to my eyes, or I will sleep in death,
and my enemy will say, “I have overcome him,”
and my foes will rejoice when I fall.

But I trust in your unfailing love;
my heart rejoices in your salvation.
I will sing the LORD’s praise,
for he has been good to me. "

Recently I have the same feelings as David that God is hiding His plan and His face from me. In looking for a job and moving sometimes it's hard to realize that God's plan is perfect. David begins this passage honestly saying this is how I feel and then ends with what he knows to be true of God and how God works. The Message translates the last few verses this way:

"I've thrown myself headlong into your arms—
I'm celebrating your rescue.
I'm singing at the top of my lungs,
I'm so full of answered prayers."

So here I am "throwing" myself "headlong" into the arms of my father and celebrating His rescue and knowing that the prayers for a job and the prayers for my future will be answered. This verse was sent straight to me!!!! :) Even when I feel that things aren't going the way they should and God seems no where to be found I will continually through myself into the arms of God and trust that His plan is perfect. Until then I will continue it what He has called me.

Loving well,

Paula

I'm Back

Here I am back at this blogging thing. I am trying to make some changes and make it look a little better than it used to. Now that things are winding down with school I should be able to find more time to write and share some thoughts. So tonight I had something on my heart to share however after editing the blog it's getting late and I should get some rest. So I will just tell about the change of title and will give you my other post for tomorrow.

Loving Well. That's something that as a woman in this world God has given me the desire to do. I recently read the book Captivating by John and Stasi Eldredge with a group of women from the church that I have been attending here in NYC. Toward the end of the book Stasi writes about relationships and this is what she says:

"No one can be to the people in your life who you can be to them. No one can offer what you can offer. There are many things God calls us to do, but loving well always comes first. The relationships with the people in your life must be fought for."

This section of the book really resonated with me in that I have been miles away from some of the people that I love most this year and Loving Well is something that must be fought for. I realize that no matter how close you are to people in proximity loving well can be difficult. So in light of reading this book and having a desire to LOVE WELL I am going to write here about my journey to loving well. I am also hoping that through this process I am able to recognize the first part of this quote and how important it is to the heart of a woman. That we are irreplaceable to the people that love us...WOW!!!

So my prayer is that I be able to Love Well in all situations and to love with a love that only God can give.

Loving well,

Paula

Two Weeks!!!

So today marks two weeks in which I have been living in the Big Apple!!! AND....I LOVE the city!!! It is so much fun navigating Subways and Buses and trying to figure out how to get to places everyday!!! It's so much like a puzzle!! I am however missing the fact that when I go to Target I do not have a car to get all the stuff like groceries that I buy back to my apartment. Luckily the last time I went to Target I had to buy a trashcan so everything I bought I put in the trash can and carried that around till I got back to the Subway.

School is going well also. Today I had a test in my practice class and it was not so bad!! I had to read a case study and then diagnosis the client using the DSM on with 5 axis. I felt good about it once I left. I ended up diagnosing the woman with Major Depressive Disorder but it took me 2 hours to finish.

Sunday I went to a church on the Upper East Side, that was a small non-denomenational church!!! They met in the auditorium of a middle school and it was a good service i enjoyed the sermon and needed to hear some of the things that the pastor talked about. However I am not sure that it's the place that I will end up. Next week I want to try a different place downtown.

I have an interview on Thursday at 2:00 for my field placement. It is hopefully going to be with the Administration for Children and Family Services in the HeadStart office. I will be working with grant funded programs and different headstart sites in the region, making site visits, etc. I am very excited and hope that everything works out that I can do it there. When I talked to the supervisor she mentioned that there maybe a space issue and that would be the only reason that they couldn't have me so hopefully it will work out..say a little prayer for that!!!

Well, until I can update you some more I will be reading and maybe a little fun mixed in there too!!

I miss everyone in NC bunches and am definitely ready for some visitors!!! :)

~Paula

I am Here!!!

So finally after 613 miles in a minivan full of my things...I have arrived in New York City!!!! Initially, there was some confusion about the apartment I was going to be in which was very stressful right from the start. Once that was figured out I finally started to move things into the apartment. I am not going to be leaving with the girls that I originally thought that I was which is a bit disappointing...however, I am still excited to meet them and to hang out some once they all get here!!! So here is the front door of my brand new Apartment in NYC!!!



I think I am really going to enjoy living here but I am definitely going to miss my family and my friends that live in NC!!! I have to give a big thank you to my family my mom, my dad, and my sister for helping me get everything packed!!! I also have to say thank you to the best friend in the whole world for all his hard work in helping to be sure that I was settled in with everything that I needed!!! Love you all!!!

I will post a picture of my bedroom so that you all can see what it looks like!!!



Today, after Matt left I tried to keep myself busy,so I wouldn't be so sad, so I just showered and then went to campus for a bit to try out the shuttle from the apartment to the school, and it looks like I am only going to have about a 5-10 minute walk once I get on campus!!! So that's really nice!!! Well there will be many more adventures to come I am sure...until next time....

~Paula~

5 MORE DAYS!!!!!!!!

So it's been awhile since I have written anything, but I wanted to update since I am leaving in only 5 more days. I recently found out that I was assigned university housing which is gorgeous and furnished which makes for easy moving. Here is a link to the website where you can see pictures of the apartment; It is called the Arbor.

http://www.cuf.columbia.edu/arbor/arbor/overview.html

It is located in the Bronx, so it's about a 25 minute shuttle ride from the school to the apartment. Which is definitely worth it to have a furnished apartment through the University. This was definitely a blessing!!!

I am getting very excited about getting there and starting something new but also getting nervous about starting something new. It's that same old feeling of just not feeling good enough to be going to such a prestigous place and feeling itemidated by it all. I know that I will be okay once I get there just nerves right now. I am having some mixed emotions about leaving my family and friends here in Statesville; not going to be easy to do. They mean the world to me and will definitely be missed. I am looking forward to those skype dates and phone calls!!! I LOVE YOU ALL!!! <3

So we are pulling out on Monday night around 10 and hope to be there around 9am on Tuesday!!! I will update with pictures once I get everything settled!!!

~Paula~